Doing Justice
by rayaikawa
Summary: Athrun was confused. Athrun was in pain. Athrun wanted justice. ASUCAGA Fic. Athrun's POV/POST-GSD


Hello everyone! It's been roughly a year since my last Asucaga fic. And as a pledge I made after rewatching and witnessing my OTP once again in GS Remaster, I will make another fic. (God knows how many feels I had to contain and how many days I was depressed after that lol)

Thank you for supporting my other works as well. I know it's been ages but I promise to pop out of nowhere more frequently this year. :)

Without further ado...

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed nor Gundam Seed DESTINY

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"Today my beloved citizens of ORB, we celebrate our nation's glory and liberty. And although we may no longer be with the ones we love who selflessly threw their lives in the battlefield for this peaceful future we have now, we continue to move forward to a beautiful tomorrow with smiles on our faces."

Today is ORB's National Commemoration Day for the war victims of the first and second bloody wars.

"And as all of you celebrate this day with a promising future in mind, let us all offer a moment of silence to pray for all those we have lost but have not forgotten."

I closed my eyes for a good minute as I thought of all the ones that I have lost because of the war. There's mother. I lost her when I was just 12 or so. She was in Junius 7 when the nukes hit the farming satellite. Everything else went in disarray after that bloody day. The world started to change, _a part in everyone died a little._ I can never forget that day. That was the day when I too lost father. That was the day when father turned into another person who I could never imagine as the same man who raised me lovingly. He was no longer the man whose ideals were for the betterment of Coordinators. He turned into a monster. And until his last breath, I regret not having done anything to save his soul.

I opened my eyes to stare at the plain white ceiling in my flat. There's Nicol too, I remember. Rusty, that friend of Kira that I had killed and Heine. I'm pretty sure there were a lot of other people too.

_War takes a lot from people._ I just realized that again after a long time. In the battlefield, life is cheap isn't it? And in a time of peace, I wonder if we've begun to value it again. Or maybe, we have taken advantage of it all the more.

"Everyone, may you have a prosperous holiday. I hope you all enjoy this little break you all deserve. Have fun with your family, spend the day with your special someone and just look around you and spare time to appreciate the very fragile, peaceful world we now live in." The woman on screen smiled brightly on screen as I breathlessly treasured that instant. "I wish nothing more but the stable and harmonious relations from here on between the Naturals on Earth and the Coordinators in space. Let's all make good memories out of this fine and sound day."

The end of the broadcast brought me back to my senses after reminiscing about the past wars. I smiled for a bit. It wasn't the good kind either. Because the thing is, it's not only those who died were lost. _It's those that you lose and are still alive that is the most painful in the end._ And it's her. That intelligent, strong and determined woman with golden hair and eyes that haunt me to this day.

I lost her too.

Yes. That's right. Admiral Athrun Zala of the United Emirates of ORB is bitter over the fact that I screwed up big time. And that I am no longer part of Chief Representative Cagalli Yula Attha's life as anyone special, as anyone she loves or pays special attention too. I have just become her pawn in securing a better future for other people. Not for her own happiness or for our happiness. There isn't even an us anymore. Just titles, meetings and paperwork.

_Damn ORB_

"May Haumea's blessing be with you all."

I tugged on the amber necklace that I have worn consistently for the past 4 years. For 4 years, this pendant have taken care of me and saved me. But as time went by, it only became a bitter reminder of what used to be. And before I could even begin to realize, it grew heavier and heavier and heavier just like my heart that sank deeper and deeper.

Another smile. Hers; a happy one. Mine; miserable.

Just as Cagalli was making her way down the platform as the crowd cheered on their beloved Chief Representative, my phone rang. The cheering was so loud I had to mute my TV in order to hear the person on the other line.

It's funny because the same people who criticized, ridiculed and belittled Cagalli are part of that crowd pledging their loyalty to her. After the second war, Cagalli had redeemed herself and worked nonstop to prove to those bastards who she really is: The Goddess of Victory. What's painful is, when everything was tearing her apart, I was the one who stood by her. But by some cruel twist of fate, of _destiny_, I'm now but a mere third point of view. And all of this I get because I left thinking I had all the cards in my hand. Thinking I was right.

_Arrogance._

No, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining because I already know the bastard I was when I left. As a matter fact, I guess I should call myself lucky to even be here. To even be entertained by Cagalli here. But just like any other human, if I could just do something about this situation, I would. I would do _anything._

"Hello." I said with a little tone of annoyance.

"Admiral Zala, I just called in to tell you that your helicopter is already ready and waiting by the hangars." The secretary replied rather startled.

"Yes, I'll be on my way." At that instant I just remembered how I'm still in my bath robe and a towel still on my wet hair.

Without any other delay, I helped myself in my uniform, brushed my hair and pressed my uniform in front of the mirror one last time before I went out of my room. Great. The immaculate Athrun Zala, ultimate soldier. Poised, untouchable, perfect and _wounded._

I reached my destination quickly. It was just a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It's a lot like that of when Cagalli and I first met only this time, beaches remind me only of that day when I told her I could never accept what she has done. I was around this time too; almost dawn. Turns out it was those words I had said that I cannot forgive now. It's funny, isn't it? The best memories turn to the worst because of the simple little things we say.

"Athrun?" A very familiar voice called out to me. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

I involuntarily saluted at the Chief Representative's presence. Come to think of it, I used to kiss her instead. "I'm just here to check the island as well." I replied. "I was trying to scout for good radar locations and this island came up."

"At ease, Athrun." Cagalli smiled at me sweetly. "I read the report that's why I decided to check it out too. I thought your schedule was still tomorrow."

"Were you hoping to do rounds alone, Cagalli?" I asked.

"Hadn't I known you better, Athrun, I bet you're thinking I'm avoiding you huh?"

Cagalli. You know me _too_ well.

"No, Cagalli. Not at all."

"Well then let's just do our rounds together." She replied with that smile again that haunts me day in and out. "Besides, it should be a rest day technically."

We began to stroll around the very short shoreline of the island. In just a day, the whole island could be completely explored. It was very small, had caves, had those tiny crabs Cagalli loved to tease and poke fun on. It was very quiet. Tranquil. Perfect.

Cagalli and I began discussing very mundane topics as good politicians and soldiers should. We talked about the recently resolved human trafficking issue in a certain country in the east, the tsunami victims and the relief operations done, the upcoming council meeting and many other topics of no importance compared to the moment I spent with Cagalli.

"I'm glad all is well for ORB, Cagalli. I hope you're not stressing yourself." I said to her as I let a small ray of hope be rekindled inside me.

"Yeah. Thanks." She looked down. "I can't believe it myself. I,"

She paused for a bit and breathed in deeply before continuing. "I had sacrificed so much for ORB. So much that I don't even know what I have now. Even my time isn't mine to spend anymore." She tried to chuckle a bit at the end but sadly, Cagalli was never a really good liar. Her eyes only spoke of sincerity and honesty.

She was tired. She was _hollow_.

"You have me _still_." I paused to grab her freezing hand. It was almost dawn and the cold winter breeze by the sea gave us chills. Two lone silhouettes by the beach, _broken and empty_.

There was a long wave of silence and it's as if the waves were going to eat me whole. The whirling of the wind grew stronger until I could no longer identify myself in the vast sky that bled to a striking orange eating up the blue horizon.

"Athrun," She finally spoke as she began to face me.

I'm sorry but I just can't keep it in anymore.

"Cagalli," I cut her immediately. "it's just not fair. It's not fair that you've moved on like that while I'm still stuck here living every day of my life brooding over my mistakes; regretting every moment I spent away from you. And here you are, smiling, living like," I couldn't even finish my sentence. I felt an ocean welling up in my eyes.

"Don't be Athrun." She held my cheeks with a sorry look painted evidently on her pristine face.

A tear slid down both our cheeks.

"You don't deserve to be this sad, Athrun." She continued. "You don't deserve me and my half-assed self."

"But even just a bit, Cagalli." I pleaded. "I don't need all your time. I just want things the way they were before."

A tear or two followed again. I rested my head on her shoulders. Tears turned to sobs.

"And you're not being fair too, Athrun." She replied, her voice wavering. "All this time, I lived my life everyday telling myself that I've lost you forever; telling myself to let you go. And here you are again making a mess of me. Ruining my peace. That's not fair, Athrun. How could you have this much impact in my life? How is it that I need you so much, Athrun?" She spoke each syllable as if begging for an answer like a child crying whose candy has just been taken away from her.

"I love you, Cagalli." I said resolutely; unwavering and motionlessly as I stared deep into her eyes.

Amber to emerald. Emerald to amber.

"Athrun,"

"I said before that I'd let you go too, Cagalli. I idealistically said that it's okay because I was a jerk. To protect the future to ensure that our paths cross again and I could be by your side again. Does that future even exist now, Cagall?"

The silence grew louder. It was the deafening kind.

"Cagalli, are you still _there?_ Do you still love me?"

A piercing gaze tore through my insides. I begged her for an answer with my desperate eyes, my hands holding onto her for dear life.

Her forehead met mine and a kiss was the answer. As cliché as it may sound, time stood still. The waves froze, the trees stopped swaying and everything was still.

"Can't it stay this way forever?" Her voice was all I could hear, and that small smile was the only thing I could see.

"Let's be fair to each other from here on, Cagalli." I smiled genuinely after a long time.

The sun was already dipping into the waters. The sky was a delicate mess of pink, orange and blue. At that time, everything just fell into place, everything turned the way I dreamt it would be. This is it; the future I've been waiting for.

"I love you, Athrun."

"I love you, Cagalli." I said. "I don't know how, I don't exactly know why but, I just _do._"

At that instant, that was all I knew, all I _needed._

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HEY! So how was it? It's not my best, I am aware and I know it was sort of cheezy and rather too angsty as well (I actually do not know why)... But hey, I'd love to hear what you think. Constructive criticism is very much welcomed :)

Thank you so much for reading! I'll be waiting for your review.

Love you all!

xoxo RAY


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